Why does my child cry when I leave the room?
As parents, it can be concerning when your child starts crying or shows signs of distress when you put them to bed or when you leave the room during the day! Understanding the reasons behind why my child cries when I leave the room and implementing solutions can help make bedtime a more positive experience for both you and your child.
What is separation anxiety?
From Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, “Part of a baby's normal development is learning that separations from parents are not permanent. Young babies do not understand time, so they think a parent who walks out of the room is gone forever. Also, they have not yet developed the concept of object permanence; that a hidden object is still there, it just cannot be seen. Without these concepts, babies can become anxious and fearful when a parent leaves their sight. Separation anxiety is usually at its peak between 10 and 18 months. It typically ends by the time a child is 3 years old.”
So why does my child cry when I leave the room?
Separation anxiety is bound to happen, it is normal and it part of a baby’s development! There’s no avoiding it, though some kids may be more sensitive to it than others. It may affect your child at different ages more than others too. Most babies develop separation anxiety at 9 months of age, however, some skip it at 9 months and it develops 15-18 months of age and can peak at 24 months.
What can you do about separation anxiety?
Know that most of the work around separation anxiety occurs during the day: playing peek a boo, talking to your child while you’re not visible/as you walk away, and leaving for short periods of time then coming back.
Helping your child overcome separation anxiety during bedtime requires patience, consistency, and understanding. Start by establishing a soothing bedtime routine that includes activities such as reading a story, singing a lullaby, or engaging in gentle cuddling. This routine helps signal to your child that it's time to sleep while providing comfort and a sense of security.
Gradually increase the time you spend apart before bedtime, allowing your child to become more comfortable with the idea of separation. Then during your bedtime routine provide extra cuddles. If your child is at an appropriate age (above 12 months of age) a comfort object, like a favorite stuffed toy, lovey or blanket, to provide additional reassurance in your absence. It is essential to remain consistent and patient throughout this process.
What about separation anxiety during the day?
If separation anxiety is happening during the day, create a goodbye ritual that allows you to give several warnings throughout the day so they know what is coming.
Narrate what is coming, “mommy is going to give you 3 kisses goodbye and then I am going to leave. Mommy and daddy always come back.”
DO NOT SNEAK OUT, sneaking out can confuse your child and actually make them NOT trust you and think you will never come back anytime you leave the room.
In conclusion, understanding the potential reasons behind your child's feelings is essential for creating a positive sleep environment and daytime goodbye ritual. By addressing their concerns and maintaining a consistent routine (for bedtime and when you leave them during the day), you can help your child feel more comfortable and secure.
If you’re sleep training your child during a period of separation anxiety, research has shown the chair method may be more effective than check and console type methods. So you can rest easy using a responsive, in-room method whenever you need to!
Still struggling with sleep during this time? Check out the 1:1 options for support!
