Bringing Home a New Baby with a Toddler
Bringing home a new baby with a toddler was way more difficult than I thought it would be! For me personally, the transition from 1-2 kids was way harder than 0-1. Not only do you and your partner have to be prepared for the change but you have to prepare your toddler for the change as well!
In this blog post, I will share some tips on how to help your toddler transition from being an only child to sharing his/her parents with a newborn!
Before Baby is Born
While you are at the end of your pregnancy, read books to your toddler to help them understand, let them help you decorate the baby’s room and show them the baby’s clothes!
Remember, children are so much smarter than we give them credit for! You may feel like they’re too young to fully grasp what’s going on, but talking about it with them can open up the conversation in a lot of different ways. Even looking through photos of when your toddler was a baby and telling them stories about that time can be really helpful.
It can be helpful to explain that the new baby will be sleeping, eating, and yes, crying most of the time. You can let your toddler know that the change may disrupt their normal routine a little bit, but that things will get easier as the baby grows up and they’ll have a new playmate soon.
We bought Liam a super hero cape that said “Big Brother,” this was a big hit in our house!
At the hospital/After Giving Birth
After we gave birth to Aiden, my husband went home to Liam and brought him to the hospital. We made sure it was just the 4 of us in the room for the first meet. At the hospital (packed in my hospital bag), I had a present for Liam “from Aiden.” When Liam first arrived to the hospital, I told him Aiden bought him a present (it was a tiny cement truck). Liam still TALKS about this!
Not knowing what hospital visits look like post-Covid, you could bring the gift home with you whenever you come home from the hospital instead if visiting at the hospital isn’t possible!
When You Get Home
This is when it becomes more difficult as the new normal settles in!
Try to keep your usual routine with the toddler— attend to them as much as you can since he/she will be the one that notices the change the most. Acknowledge all of their feelings about this transition and validate that they may miss their “old” life.
Depending on their age, you may notice them act differently. You might see some old behaviors emerging like thumb-sucking, potty accidents or speaking like a baby. You don’t have to dismiss those feelings! You could say something like, “It looks like you want to be a baby too!” and make a game of treating them like a baby. Rock them, cuddle them, pretend to give bottles, baby talk with them, etc.
Try to give your toddler as much 1:1 time as possible especially during their typical routines! Have your partner attend to the newborn or baby wear or put baby on a safe play mat while you continue the same bedtime routine with your toddler! They will enjoy that extra attention.
Other, specific and intentional one on one time, even just 15 minutes can mean the world to your toddler. Try to make it a priority to set aside some of that individual time with your older child every day.
During the day, encourage your toddler to help with baby care tasks! If you live in a home that has 2 floors, have a changing station table on both floors. Keep the diapers on a lower level so your toddler can easily grab them and help you by handing you a diaper when changing the baby! They can help with bottle feedings, baths, and play time/tummy time with the baby as well.
Fill a box with special toys for your toddler to play with while you attempt to get your newborn down for bed or while breastfeeding! Make these toys are new and exciting and only bring the box out during this special time. Some examples would be: puzzles, colorwonder coloring books or water wow books, legos or magnatiles, books, etc. You can set up some intentional play scenes for them to keep them occupied. Yes, this can require some planning on your part, but it’ll pay off to have some interrupted time to get your newborn down to sleep.
You could arrange play dates for your toddler as well, just one or twice a week to help them get out of the house and have some time away from the baby as well.
You may notice some aggression from the baby, even if that’s an abnormal behavior from your toddler— this can be totally normal! They’re not sure what to do with those big feelings. Acknowledge that they have some big feelings but that hitting is a boundary and you can’t allow them to hit/hurt the baby. Offer alternatives (you can touch/stroke, etc) and allow them to get their anger out in other ways (stomping around outside, giving a big roar, drawing pictures of how they feel).
Finally, learn to love baby wearing! This will allow you to continue to play with your toddler while attending to your baby. I remember bringing Liam to the park and baby wearing Aiden while we climbed all around the playground!
Remember, your toddler will be more aware of the change than your newborn! This isn’t just a hard adjustment for your toddler, it can feel hard for you too with changing dynamics. Things won’t always feel this hard/chaotic. Give yourself room to grieve and know that even though things feel hard in the beginning, your children will adapt and grow to have a lifelong friendship with each other!
