Keeping Your Toddler/Preschooler In Bed All night
You survived another day of parenting. Go you!! Kids are in bed, which means you finally get to enjoy some quiet time. Maybe watch an episode of that Netflix series you just started with your partner, sneak that hidden dessert you’ve been saving for yourself, get some work done, finally read that newsletter from your child’s school - anything that you can do without a tiny human hanging onto you, needing their butt wiped, asking to play, chauffeuring to school and activities, the list goes on - you get the idea! Just when you get settled, a little child re-appears or calls for you from their room…
For some, this visit with your child may even happen in the middle of the night when your little one startles you out of your sleep as they wander into your room and stand at the foot of your bed, or you wake up only to realize your little ninja snuck their way into your bed.
Why is your toddler/preschooler not staying in bed all night?
Toddlers and preschoolers can be quite creative with the reasons they “need you” after already being put to bed for the evening. It’s important to mention that sometimes your child may have a legitimate reason that they need you! But, other times, it may just be your little one, well, being a kid!
Toddlers/Preschoolers and Night Wakings
Check out this list of reasons why your toddler/preschooler may be waking during the night:
Used to a parent helping them fall back asleep
Schedule needs adjustments (nap transition, overtired, undertired)
Habit
Potty Accident
Hungry/Thirsty
Sick
Too Cold, Too Hot
Big life changes (new sibling, potty training, move, etc.)
Sleep Apnea (always look into this possibility with toddler/preschooler night wakings!)
How to Handle Night Wakings blog goes over some of these in more detail. If you know why your child may be waking up in the middle of the night, you will have a better idea of how to respond.
Your Toddler/Preschooler Keeps Getting Out of Bed at Night
You may be having trouble with a toddler/preschooler getting out of their bed at night, either right at bedtime or sometimes during the night. Here are some possible explanations for the struggle:
Transitioned out of a crib too early
Sleep environment is not optimal (can include: too many available distractions in your little one’s room)
Used to bed sharing with parents
Used to room sharing with sibling
Nightmares
Afraid of the dark
Scared to be alone (separation anxiety)
Habit, previous attempts to get out of bed have been allowed
Potty training hiccups
How to keep your toddler/preschooler safe at night
First things first, you always want to ensure that your toddler/preschooler is safe, especially when they’re leaving their bed and bedroom at night, possibly while you are sleeping yourself. The Safe Sleep 101 blog goes over helpful tips for keeping your child’s bedroom safe, including:
Anchor furniture to walls
Remove access to loose electrical cords, strings, window blind pulls, curtains, etc.
Use a baby gate at the bedroom door or a nearby hallway to limit access to other areas of the house
Make sure your little adventurous youngster is not wandering the house at night since that can bring about a whole slew of potentially dangerous scenarios.
Ways to keep your toddler/preschooler in bed at night
Alright, so we now know why your child may not be staying in their bed the whole night, but let’s chat about what to do when your child is getting out of bed at night.
Ask Yourself - Is this working for us?
One thing I want to say before we get into strategies to “fix” the situation where your toddler/preschooler is getting out of bed at night is - Is this working for you? If the answer is “yes,” then there is no reason to change anything! If you enjoy those extra visits from your child or the middle of the night snuggles, keep doing you! But, if you are ready for a change, then let’s explore some ways you can keep your toddler in bed at night.
Before Bedtime Strategies
Incorporate these strategies to set your little one up for a successful night!
Follow a sleep schedule that’s ideal for your child
Re-assess the sleep environment - dark, cool, white noise, free of distractions (toys in the closet, books on shelves out of reach, etc.)
If your little one still needs help falling asleep, consider teaching more independent sleep skills
Include potty during the bedtime routine (and, limit fluids before bedtime)
Make sure your child is well nourished during the daytime (to avoid hunger during the night) - You can also consider having water available during the night in your child’s bedroom if you have a thirsty little one.
Address fears and anxieties before bed, possibly more so during the daytime, to help reassure your child
Not necessarily “before bedtime” strategies but a couple other general tips:
If you transitioned your little one to a bed before they were truly ready to handle this new responsibility, don’t be afraid to go back to a crib for the time being and try again with a toddler bed later.
Use lots of prep for big (and small) life changes. Incorporate books, practice, conversations about the change. Help your child feel supported and prepared for the change, and avoid talk that could lead to nerves and anxiety.
If you have concerns related to sleep apnea, consult with a healthcare professional! This also goes for fears and anxieties that seem more significant. Always follow your gut!
After Bedtime Approaches - Keeping your child in bed!
You’ve tried all the prep strategies and considered all the adjustments, but your little one is still getting out of bed after bedtime! The excuses are endless: Getting up to go to the bathroom, need another hug, need to ask a question, thirsty, hungry, scared, …. I want to reiterate that if your child has a true need (not feeling well, potty accident, etc.) please respond! For other scenarios, here are some methods you can incorporate to help put a stop to those late night visits.
Bedtime Pass
The bedtime pass is like a “Get out of jail free” card - one chance to get out of bed for free after they are put to bed. Basically, you give your child something physical that they can exchange for the one trip out of their bedroom for whatever reason they come up with. You can get creative with the physical “pass” - a ticket, token, laminated card, etc. The process looks something like this:
Put your toddler to bed with their pass.
If your child uses their “pass” for a pass, they will give you the pass which you will hold onto until the next night. (Sometimes kids won’t use their pass at all!)
Anything they exchange their pass for shouldn’t last more than about 3 minutes (potty, a hug, asking a question, telling you a story, getting a drink, etc.).
After your toddler/preschooler uses their pass for that evening, the expectation is that they’ll stay in their room for the rest of the night. Of course, that may not happen - so what should you do if they come back out of their bedroom after using their pass? You simply return them to their bed with as little interaction as possible. This can look like taking their hand and guiding them back to their bed without saying anything. Repeat, as needed!
Check out Little Hippo’s Ready for Bed kit and use code HEAVENSENTSLEEP for 15% off!
Okay-to-Wake Clock
Okay-to-Wake clocks are great little tools for toddlers and young children who can’t tell time just yet. You can check out our How to Use an Okay to Wake Clock blog post for more information!
Reward Systems
For toddler/preschoolers that are getting out of bed at night, a simple approach would be to give a reward in the morning if your kiddo stayed in bed all night. The reward can be something simple, like watching their favorite show while you get breakfast ready if that is not something they typically get to do. It can be stickers, extra snuggle time, or praise on it’s own may work, too! Visuals can be incorporated with rewards (or used on their own). There is tons of research to support the effectiveness of using reward systems when they are used appropriately, and always with plans to gradually fade them out. Reward systems are not preferred by everyone - use an approach that works for you!
These strategies can be incorporated at nap time (and during quiet time), too. If you are considering “quiet time” with your child, check out our When and How to Introduce Quiet Time blog!
This information covers the general basics for some different approaches to helping your toddler/preschooler with some bedtime obstacles. These recommendations are not based on your child specifically! If you are looking for more individualized and detailed support with your tiny terror, I mean lovely little toddler or preschooler , reach out for a 1:1 Consult and we can chat about the best package to work through these sleep struggles together!
Disclaimer: This information is for education purposes. It is not intended to treat or diagnose any condition, nor is it a substitute for therapy. If you have any concerns about your child’s behavior or development, please reach out to your child’s qualified healthcare professional, such as a pediatrician or psychologist.
