Let’s Talk About It: Bedsharing
Bedsharing is my *least* favorite topic to talk about and here’s why...
It gets HEATED.
But here’s the thing: Bedsharing is not effectively discussed in the parenting world -- and that’s not okay with me.
The extent of bedsharing education out there can be summed up in one sentence; “Don’t do it,”
As we know from sex education, teaching abstience only (aka “don’t do it”) DOES NOT prevent people from having sex -- let alone safe sex.
Last week, I swallowed my uneasiness and tested the waters of the Bedsharing Discussion in stories -- and I survived --so I figured I’d open the can of worms.
Here we go.
I’m not interested in if you bedshare or not. And I’m not interested in sharing my personal opinion on the topic.
I’m interested in giving you all the information I have to educate you on how to make safer sleep choices in your home.
The fact is, (backed by research) that the majority of parents end up bedsharing at some point, whether they intend to or not.
Telling those parents NOT to bedshare - does nothing but create guilt, shame, or resentment.
Accepting that parents are more likely to bedshare allows us to circulate information about creating the *safest possible scenario* -- which has shown to actually decrease accidental deaths while bedsharing.
So again, while I believe the SAFEST situation to be a baby having their own separate sleep space nearby-- it's important to understand the nuances behind the recommendations and what things truly do the most to prevent SIDS.
PHEW! Now that we have busted that conversation open, I’m going to be sharing more education around the topic of bedsharing and how to make it safER.
We can't open up the conversation about bedsharing without first covering some of the "safe sleep" recommendations and also statistics about SUID (sudden unexpected infant death, also referred to as SIDS)
SUID is the most common cause of death for full term infants in the first year of life in the US and 90% of these occur in the first 4 months of life. The "peak" age of risk is between 2-4 months.
SIDS/SUID rates have declined but ASSB (accidental strangulation and suffocation in bed) deaths have increased.
Current "safe sleep" recommendations from the AAP are the ABC's:
alone
on their back
in their crib
They've determined this eliminates most of the risks (will talk about others in a minute) of ASSB by sleeping alone, keeping their crib empty and always placing them on their back.
Most bedsharing deaths have risk factors present and are not classified as true SUID.
From the AAP: "Unintentional suffocation is the leading cause of injury death among infants <1 year old in the United States, with 82% being attributable to accidental suffocation and strangulation in bed."
SIDS/SUID is not something you can prevent-- there is absolutely NO known cause. They have some working theories for why it occurs. but the only thing we can do is provide the safest possible scenario for sleep and know that SUID is out of our hands.
They have found that, "Overall SIDS rates are much more prevalent in the presence of other risk factors like smoking and drinking."
The link above also lists some other factors that contribute to SIDS (please note differences in unexplained death vs a cause like bedding).
Here are some of the statistics I gathered about bedsharing, specifically the amount of people that do it (from different sources so there are variable numbers, but the theme is HIGH amounts of parents bedshare).
What else have we found about bedsharing risks?
The biggest UK SIDS study (the CESDI study) which collected data between 1993 and 1996 found no increased SIDS risk with bed-sharing for non-smokers, or for babies aged more than 14 weeks.
Eleven studies met inclusion criteria and were included in the final meta-analysis. The risk was highest for infants of smoking mothers (OR, 6.27; 95% CI, 3.94-9.99), and infants <12 weeks old (OR, 10.37; 95% CI, 4.44-24.21).
From Cribsheet by Emily Oster:
The risk of death if you do not bedshare is 0.08 SIDS deaths per 1000.
For those who do, it is .22 deaths per 1,000.
Overall infant mortality in the US is around 5 deaths per 1000.
Emily Oster says roughly 7100 families would have to avoid bedsharing to prevent one death (if you’re looking for another context)
Sleep choices affect quality of life— if bedsharing is the only way you get sleep, you may choose to do it to preserve your mental health and ability to function overall
All parenting choices come with a risk that we all have to calculate— learning to ride a bike, getting into a car, etc etc.
Fact: they have found no affect on attachment whether you bedshare or not.
Like we discussed earlier, simply saying "don't do it" leads to an increased risk-- because as you can see, the likelihood of bedsharing is very high, intentional or unintentional.
By sharing information about how to decrease risks when it does happen (not eliminate totally), you can save lives.
This doesn't replace the AAP's recommendation about the safest possible scenario, but it does provide education to families who find themselves in an exhausted sleep deprived state.
I believe education for both ways to improve sleep and ways to get sleep in the meantime are both beneficial for parents.
What can you do to make it safER?
Parents are non-smoking
Parents are sober
No siblings in the bed (or pets)
Baby is healthy and full-term
Baby is exclusively breastfed
Baby stays on back
Baby is dressed not too warmly to prevent overheating
Baby is not swaddled
The bed is not too soft (not much guidance for how to measure this, however), and pillows and blankets are not near the baby (or on the bed AT ALL).
Be sure there are no gaps between the bed and headboard, no loose fabric, cords or anything else hanging into the bed. The safest setup is to have the mattress on the floor.
Did you know… they've seen a reduction in bedsharing deaths in New Zealand (by 30%) just by sharing bedsharing information and ways to reduce the risk?
Not everyone meets the criteria to be able to do it "safely" nor does everyone want to/need to bedshare!
Ready to help support parents in their sleep journey? You can do that whether they bedshare or not! Become part of the family at The Collective for Family Rest and Wellness.
