Managing Your Sanity with a Clingy Baby (Velcro Baby)
I have lovingly nicknamed our third child our “koala baby”. He’s also been “Kanga-rookah” (his name is Lukah), barnacle baby, and of course, velcro baby.
He would climb back into the womb and live there if it was physically possible. So… I get the “stress” this adds (and I use quotations because stress isn’t exactly the word for the toll it can take on you physically, mentally, and emotionally).
So let’s dive into clingy babies, what makes them that way, and lots of other topics:
what makes a baby clingy
what age does a baby get clingy
is it normal for my baby to be so clingy
clingy baby can't get anything done
baby clingy to one parent
can teething make baby clingy
how to get clingy baby to sleep in crib
how to prepare a clingy baby for daycare
what to do with clingy baby
What Makes a Baby Clingy
The biggest thing here will be: PERSONALITY! Your child’s temperament will determine a lot, including how “clingy” they are.
With 3 children that I’ve essentially parented the same way, I’ve only got one as clingy as Lukah. It all goes back to nature vs nurture. Some things we can influence as parents and other things we can’t!
This blog does a deep dive into temperament so you can determine your child’s temperament while also figuring out how to support them best.
Some kids will go through phases of clinginess based on age, development and life changes. For instance, a baby may become more clingy when you move into a new house, start a new daycare, or when you bring home a new sibling.
What age does a baby get clingy?
This will definitely depend on when “why” your baby has gotten clingy. If it’s because it’s just who they are, you might notice it from birth or soon after.
My velcro baby really upped his “velcro-ness” with age– like he was totally fine being put down during the day and played well, he didn’t have issues going to a different caregiver, etc.
But over time, the preference (for me) really grew so I can’t pinpoint a specific age it happened for us.
If it’s due to some separation anxiety, there are some specific points in development where you might notice this more like 3 to 4 months or so when they start to develop that object permanence (ie they know you exist when you aren’t there). It can also peak around the times they are learning new skills and/or going through some sort of life change.
To read more about separation anxiety, you can read this blog for all ages!
is it normal for my baby to be so clingy
Mostly, yes! Some babies are going to be more clingy than others. If it seems to be “extreme” to the point that it’s really impacting your day to day life, then it’s always okay to investigate if something else is off/doesn’t feel right with them.
That isn’t to say something is wrong with clingy babies- it’s just that sometimes the clinginess is a symptom of something more!
clingy baby can't get anything done
I. Get. It.
Baby wearing saved us on days when I didn’t have it in me to fight against the velcro.
Other days, I popped in my Loop Ear Plugs (LOOPXASHLEY will save 15% and I don’t get anything from that– just extending a discount for you!) and validated his feelings while narrating that I had to do something alone. That might look like:
“I hear you want mommy to hold you right now. I can’t because (my back hurts) I’m going to wash the dishes. You can play here where you can see mommy and I’ll hold you when I’m done.”
Or maybe it was him crying at my legs while I got the task done (which isn’t FUN AT ALL) but it was what needed to happen at that time.
baby clingy to one parent
I’ve always been Lukah’s preferred parent but my older kids have gone back and forth between us!
That doesn’t mean my husband can’t do ANYTHING for him. It just means he usually has something to say about it (aka cries, asks for me, etc) but for us, it was worth pushing through that, validating his feelings, and continuing to expose him to other people doing things for him that wasn’t just me.
This blog on preferred parents may help you create a plan for other caregivers to do things for your child EVEN if they’re upset about it.
can teething make baby clingy
Along with separation anxiety, things like teething and illness can make your baby clingier because they just don’t feel well.
This is a phase! It doesn’t mean it’ll last forever. Enjoy the break, take some down time, let some things go in the house, and give the extra cuddles when they’re needed knowing that you can get back to your normal day to day when they’re feeling well again.
Try to have some mantras handy for when you’re feeling extra touched out and needing a break. And check out this blog for more evidence based information on teething and sleep.
how to get clingy baby to sleep in crib
Even the clingiest babies can be sleep trained- I promise! In fact, I’d argue that my clingiest baby is my best sleeper most days.
A lot of this will come down to temperament too in order to choose a sleep training method that fits your little one’s personality- but we also want to consider things like: how quickly you need to see results/changes/progress, what your expectations are of the sleep training process, and how unsustainable your sleep situation is currently.
A lot goes into sleep training, especially those who are deemed “slow to warm” or “difficult.”
Here are some blogs that may help:
How to Prepare a Clingy Baby for Daycare
Daycare can be a life change that causes your little one to be clingier when they’re home with you and also can result in tough drop offs– this is totally normal and it’s nothing you’re doing that’s wrong!
Some things that may help:
Give individual, 1:1 focused attention each day (10 mins is a great emotional tank filler!)
Play lots of peek a boo and teach them that you always come back
Send a lovey or a family picture with them to daycare
Connect with their teacher (this can show how much you trust the person you’re handing them off to!)
Create a goodbye ritual with them, be confident, and follow through– don’t sneak out.
Confirm the school’s policy for calling parents if baby is upset– this can ease your mind!
This daycare blog goes over more tips for preparing your little one for that transition (and sleep tips)!
What to Do with Clingy Baby
Well, for starters- give yourself LOTS of grace and figure out what you can do to balance out the constant neediness and possibly touched out feeling you may have.
I have to counter how much he needs me with time to myself or else I get burned out SO EASILY.
Prioritizing my 1:1 time is a big help in not feeling resentful in how velcro-like he can be.
If you’re not getting any kind of break (you contact nap, bedshare all night, etc) and it’s impacting your day to day life because you get zero moments without a baby touching you, then it’s okay to set some boundaries and make changes that make you feel like a better parent!
My biggest tip will be to practice time away - meaning, even if it’s just putting them down so you can go to the bathroom alone. They will be upset and have feelings about it- but that’s totally okay. They’re allowed to have feelings AND you’re allowed to set boundaries/limits.
Just know that you’re not alone, there are things you can do to help, it may get better with age, and if all else fails, prioritize your time away!
