When is the right time/age to sleep train?

On the internet, you’ll see a lot of variable information. That’s just the nature of bias but also a wide range of definitions. A lot of people aren’t forthcoming with exact definitions to specific things like sleep training which can lead to confusion for a lot of parents!

*I’m going to get on my soap box a little on this blog and it’ll be my opinion only!

Here’s how I define sleep training: conditioning your child to fall asleep in a specific way. (that can be rocking to sleep, feeding to sleep, or allowing them to fall asleep independently without props in their sleep space).

Then the tricky part comes in– a lot of/most professionals will tell you that you cannot sleep train until 4+ months of age. This is usually because they recommend using separation based methods like Ferber or CIO where object permanence is helpful to have when implementing those methods.

So what’s right? Is there an age? What’s the magic formula?

There’s not one.

So much of this really does depend on your definition of the word and what you’re trying to accomplish or what your goals are with sleep training.

(Side note: there’s no age that’s too old to make changes to sleep habits!)

Babies *know* how to sleep. They are born with immature circadian rhythms (you can read about that here), but there wasn’t anything *making* them sleep in your womb (and we know they do that). 

It’s a biological process in the body that comes from the build up of sleep pressure, sleep hormones, and cues from the environment. 

So to say a newborn can’t fall asleep independently is actually doing a disservice to people by not even allowing the practice of this in real life situations.

That isn’t to say that they’re not more prone to being overtired, overstimulated, and needing more regulation help from parents. But when all the conditions are right, your child could very well fall asleep independently with minimal to no soothing. 

I know this because I practice what I preach! My own children were falling asleep independently from 6 weeks and 8 weeks when I was intentional about putting down awake, soothing if they got upset, and putting them back down when they were calm. It actually took very little effort and time on my part because I wasn’t changing any instilled habits at that point, only developing them.

Which is where I think the disservice comes from. Other professionals may want you to do all the circus acts to get your child to sleep when you may simply be curious about what they’re capable of and meet them where they’re at instead of assuming they need more help than they do.

If they need it, give it! If they don’t though, don’t be afraid to just put them down and see what happens. That way you don’t fall into overhelping or accidental parenting.

You also don’t have to do this for EVERY SINGLE SLEEP. Balance is so important here. Hold, snuggle, rock, feed, car rides, pacifier, baby wear, naps on the go, etc etc etc are all possible things to continue doing. In fact, I’d argue that the more ways your child can fall asleep, the better!

Multiple tools are never a bad thing. Just don’t forget the independent tool too!

So what’s the right age for sleep training? When is the right time?

The short version? Any time. 

A lot of people are waiting for a “perfect” time to start, but if you need to sleep train (sleep coach, teach independent sleep, etc) then chances are, there is not going to be a set “perfect” time. There’s always something! If you want things to change, you have to change things.

The long version? Well, I like to say that whatever method you’re using to get your child to sleep is the method you should use until A) it isn’t working for you, B) it isn’t working for your baby or C) baby isn’t sleeping enough (and neither are you). 

This is common around the 4 month mark, though occasionally doesn’t happen until later – like toddler bed transitions. 

*Disclaimer*

Sleep training should not be confused and used synonymously with the “cry it out” technique. CIO is a sleep training technique but there are many others.

There are some techniques that you can use very early on and some you should wait on.  

You can set up a good bedtime routine, nap time routine, and age appropriate schedule to signal sleep time so that they learn what’s expected when. See the blog here about sleep training without “sleep training.”

Babies/toddlers thrive on routine. This doesn’t mean you’ll be tied down for years, slave to a schedule. Well rested children are often very flexible once you’ve established good sleep habits because they’re more able to make up their “sleep debt” as opposed to those that already have “sleep debt” and are overtired to begin with. 

Sleep training can be overwhelming. There’s so many books and blogs out there that when trying to pinpoint your specific issue that you don’t even know where or even when to start. And when you’re already exhausted, trying to do all of that on your own just means it’s not going to get done; so the crazy cycle repeats until… you take a stand and decide something has to give!

 Everyone assumes that you’re going to be a sleep deprived zombie parent for the first 5 years after having a baby. While some sleep loss is totally normal, you don’t have to fear bedtime, fear the night wakings, or early mornings if you’re having a tough time cracking your child’s sleep needs. That’s what I’m here for! Check out the 1:1 options we provide and start getting better sleep ASAP.