Evidence Based Outcomes in Parenting
As a parent of 4 very different kids ranging from infant to teen, I completely understand the strong desire to be the best possible parent. I think we can all agree - Parenting is not easy! It is not possible to be a “perfect parent” and if you’ve somehow figured this out, please send the rest of us parents your secrets!! There will be days where we don’t parent the way we hoped and planned for. But, there’s always another day to try again AND those “slip-ups” will be overshadowed by all of our other parentings wins.
Parenting Styles
There are different styles and approaches when it comes to how we parent our children. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to parent! You should absolutely be the parent that you want to be for your children!
Let’s explore evidence-based parenting! “Evidence-based parenting” basically means parenting practices that are supported by research. Evidence-based parenting is centered around different levels/approaches to boundaries and warmth. (Here’s some more info on evidence-based parenting styles.) At the end of the day, evidence-based parenting is looking at what approaches are more likely to lead to a secure attachment with our children. Secure attachments lead to more positive outcomes - like high self-esteem, better emotional regulation, good social skills and relationship development, and more!
It is helpful to understand that evidence-based parenting styles are different from parenting trends (e.g., attachment parenting). By no means am I saying that following a parenting trend or approaches is bad - it is just helpful to understand the difference between evidence-based parenting versus parenting styles and trends. (This article explains the difference between attachment parenting and developing secure attachments.)
What makes a good parent
Here’s the caveat - you are a good parent! Regardless of the loads of blogs, articles, or books you read, podcasts you listen to, advice that’s passed on from a grandparent, friend, random passerby at the grocery store - YOU ARE A GOOD PARENT! If you show up for your kid day in and day out - YOU ARE A GOOD PARENT! If you make mistakes on your parenting journey - YOU ARE A GOOD PARENT! For the people in the back - YOU ARE ALSO A GOOD PARENT!
It’s really easy to feel like we have to be on and fully engaged 100% of the time when we are with our kids. It’s also really easy to kick ourselves for those days where we feel like we just didn’t give our children all the attention! BUT - research shows that if we are attuned to our baby’s emotions 20-30% of the time, our baby’s are successful at using their coping skills and “repairing mismatches” in their interactions. There is evidence that shows that babies of mothers with depression may be less likely to exhibit coping skills. Parental well-being and mental health are correlated with child well-being. That is why it is so important to take care of yourself so that you can be present for your children!
Research on mother-infant interaction: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1987-15272-001
Article about the “good enough parent”: https://www.todaysparent.com/family/parenting/good-enough-parenting/
A starting point for help with parental well-being: www.postpartum.net - Know that you are not alone!! Sleep deprivation can also contribute to parental mental health difficulties.
If we continue to be attuned and responsive to our children, without feeling like we have to do so all the time, we are on the path to favorable outcomes. Of course, we cannot control every single thing in our child’s life. There are not many things that parents regularly do that negatively impact child development, with the exception of neglectful and abusive behaviors.
Making parenting decisions
Back to my previous point, YOU get to make decisions on how you want to parent YOUR child! If your goal is to help your child feel safe and secure with the skills to regulate their emotions and knows that you are there to guide them, then you’re on track to developing a secure attachment with your child.
When it comes to sleep training, or potty training, or teaching your child any new skill, there are options that will honor your parenting goals of giving your child safety, security, the space to learn, with the support from you when needed. Also, know that there is no research that currently shows differences in attachment for children that were or were not sleep trained.
If you want to chat about how I can help you find an approach to sleep training that fits with your comfort-level and parenting style, schedule a 15 minute phone call with me!
