How to Have Someone Else Put Baby to Bed

Having someone else do naps or bedtime can cause a lot of anxiety for us, especially as sleep perfectionists! I remember the first time we left Noah (our oldest) with my mom. It was for our anniversary dinner and I knew I wanted to leave him so that I could step out of my “mom role” and into the “wife role” for the night. I desperately needed that but was so anxious because, for the first 4.5 months of his life, I pulled out all the stops to make sure he never cried—which meant bouncing him to sleep in the Ergo (with the shower running) or nursing him and then climbing into bed with him all night.

There was no way I was asking my mom to do all of that—nor could she! She was confident they’d figure it out, though. So, we left, even though I knew it would probably be a disaster. It was, but they survived, and she’s still his most favorite person on the planet!

So my #1 tip would be:

Let go a little. It’s okay for them to struggle with someone new that you trust them with. I wouldn’t have left Noah with my mom if I knew she would get frustrated and just put him down, walk away, and close the door. However, I had major guilt because I didn’t want my baby or my mom to struggle, and I wanted to be able to be something other than “Mom” every now and then.

That may not be your style—and that’s totally okay! But it was imperative for my PPA that I spend some time away from him.

It is especially okay if it’s also another attached caregiver like your partner. Just because they struggle doesn’t mean they can’t figure it out and become an active participant in your child’s sleep. If you’re struggling with being the preferred parent, check out this blog for more strategies to help!

Tip #2:

If you know you’re going to need a babysitter or someone is coming to watch your baby during a sleep time, consider having them watch how you put your child to sleep. If they’re not an independent sleeper, show them exactly what you do and talk them through it. If you’re nursing to sleep but maybe dad is able to rock them to sleep, let dad show them how it’s done.

If they are an independent sleeper, same thing! Show them the routine and how you respond to any protest. Prepare them with the knowledge that baby may protest because they’re having fun or it’s new. That’s okay!

Tip #3:

Let them practice with you there so you can walk them through a few different scenarios if need be. If it goes smoothly, then celebrate! If baby protests, remind them that it’s okay, and walk them through how you respond or how you’d want them to intervene.

Tip #4:

Accept that baby may not nap or sleep the first time someone else puts them down. I will say, practice makes perfect! And the earlier you can start implementing other people into your routine, the better! Again, if that’s your style.

Tip #5: 

If it’s going to be in a new place and not their normal room, be sure to let their caregiver know to have baby play in the space and become familiar with it before sleep time. Recreate their usual environment as best as you can!

You know your child best! Try to model calmness when walking someone new through the routine and putting down for sleep time. Your child will pick up on any anxiety you have about the process. No matter how you’re feeling on the inside, practice some deep breathing if needed. Never feel like you *have* to leave your child with someone during a sleep time if you’re not comfortable with it. You can still get out of the house during an awake time and get back in time to put them down for bed. 

I will say that at 7, almost 5 and 3 years old, we’ve had countless people put our children to bed with absolutely no issues. (I say “countless” like we leave them with anyone LOL) We’ve had 3-4 babysitters in that time, my mom, my cousin, my SIL, and my best friend all successfully do the bedtime routine and put our kids to bed with no issues whatsoever. It’s so worth it for us, and the kids love it too! If they had their choice, they’d pick anyone else for bedtime that isn’t me or my husband!

If you’re struggling with finding a routine that works for you and allows you to take breaks around sleep (and YOU really want them), check out the packages for 1:1 help!