What happens if you don’t sleep train your baby?
The choice to sleep-train or not is a highly personal choice. The ONLY person that is qualified to make that decision is the one who is responding to the baby for falling asleep at bedtime, for naps, and in the middle of the night. It's also important to note that every baby is different, and the decision to use sleep training methods may vary based on your baby’s individual needs and your own parenting style.
If you choose to not sleep train, it does not mean that the wheels will inevitably fall off. Many cultures practice bed sharing and allow their children to fall asleep when it comes naturally to them. If you are offering your baby ample opportunities to get the sleep they need, and they wake feeling refreshed, and are having consolidated sleep stretches then there is no need to enforce formal sleep training. Aka, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!” (this goes for you too parents— if your baby sleeps “well” but you’re not, your sleep matters too and it’s important to do what you can to your needs met as well).
(So many babies sleep well from the get go- and your definition of well may be different than my definition of well; so you certainly shouldn’t feel pressured to change sleep habits that work for your family!)
What are the pros and cons of NOT sleep training?
Pros:
Baby may fall into the natural rhythms of your life/patterns if they’re a fairly flexible/easy going child
Ample opportunity for physical touch between child and caregiver
Baby may be more flexible to schedule changes or sleeping on the go/disturbances from off days may be less noticeable depending on what sleep typically looks like
Less stressful or pressure for caregiver as long as there are minimal sleep disturbances
Breastfeeding dyads may have an easier time maintaining milk supply
May be more in line with your parenting “style”
Cons:
Baby may rely on external sleep props to fall asleep and stay asleep (rocking, feeding, etc)
Caregiver may find it difficult to attend to other children/chores if baby is dependent on them to sleep longer stretches
Fragmented sleep for caregiver
Caregiver may feel “touched out” or “burned out” if baby is unable to sleep without their assistance
May have difficulty with other caregivers providing sleep opportunities
What does the research say about sleep training?
Research has shown that parental presence at the time that a child falls asleep at bedtime is a significant predictor of increased night wakings. For example, this study states:
"Infants whose parents were present at bedtime were significantly more likely to wake at night than infants whose parents were not present (6.2 vs 3.1, P = .01). Frequent night waking (seven or more wakings in the prior week) occurred in 28% of the sample. More of the infants whose parents were present experienced frequent night waking compared with infants whose parents were not present (40% vs 22%, P less than .04). When potential confounding variables were controlled by multivariate analysis, parents being present when the child went to sleep was independently associated with night waking (P less than .03). The association of parental presence at bedtime and night waking has implications for preventing and managing disruptive night waking in infancy."
Basically, however your baby is accustomed to falling asleep at bedtime is how they will expect to fall asleep when they wake overnight. This can be as often as 8-10x/night when they are transitioning between sleep cycles! These overnight wakings do not go away after sleep training, as they are biologically normal. However, if your baby has the ability to fall asleep without your assistance, when they do wake and don’t have any immediate need (hunger, wet, sick) they can just resettle and go back to sleep without signaling to you which leads to less disrupted sleep for all parties.
More blogs about sleep training:
How do I know if I need to sleep train?
The choice to sleep train boils down to this simple question: is your current sleep situation a sustainable one? If you feel content, peaceful, and well-rested then there is your answer. You don’t need to change what is already working. If you feel stressed, burnt-out, or exhausted, and really feel that the current trajectory is not a sustainable one, then it may be time to consider it! You do not have to stay stuck in an unsustainable situation. Read that again! If you aren’t sure how sleep with a baby should look check out this blog for reasonable expectations.
When my first-born arrived I thought that sleep would just happen, and that he would just naturally fall into a routine without me having to do much. This might be true if you have a flexible baby, but my son is generally slow to warm and resistant to changes. I was nervous to sleep train because I was in many breastfeeding groups that discouraged it at all costs. I didn’t want to “damage” our bond or “jeopardize” our breastfeeding journey. Just the choice of words alone seemed to evoke negative emotions towards ST. I waited and waited for sleep to happen. After 8 months of only 2-3 hour sleep stretches I decided to reach out and get help from Ashley, founder and owner of Heaven Sent Sleep. The results changed my parenting journey completely. I was still able to breastfeed my son beyond a year. I was still bonded and as close to my son as ever. I was able to ENJOY being a mom more than I ever had, because I was finally getting adequate sleep.
What if I want to make changes, but I don’t want to sleep train?
If you are in an unsustainable sleep situation, but you are really uncomfortable with the idea of sleep training, there are ways to improve sleep without behavioral interventions. If this is simply because you’re not sure what sleep training options are available to you, let us be the first to say it doesn’t have to be cry It out or Ferber. You don’t even have to totally change all the sleep associations your child has. The point of working 1;1 with someone is to identify what is working for sleep and change what isn’t working. We very rarely even use separation based methods with families! That doesn’t mean there are “no cry” options available to you though; sleep training is simply a way to respond to crying that moves you toward your goals.
Non-behavioral sleep training interventions include:
Optimizing sleep environment
Age appropriate sleep timing
Avoiding overtiredness
Focus on feedings (consistent, full, well-timed)
Daytime stimulation
Establish a pre-sleep routine
While sleep training may work well for some families, not sleep training your baby can also be the right choice for your own family. By embracing your baby's natural sleep patterns, you can foster a strong bond, reduce stress, and enjoy a more flexible parenting experience. Remember, every baby is unique, and finding the approach that works best for your family is key.
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