Why is Potty Training Not Working?
If you started potty training and you feel like your toddler is not having success with this new skill, you might be feeling defeated. Maybe you were already apprehensive about getting started in the first place. You prepared by reading books and blogs, watching videos, and got input from friends, family, teachers, social media, anyone that was willing to share their tips. You gave this potty training thing your all and you’re just stuck. First, I want you to know that you’re not alone. It happens! Potty training can be difficult! And, you’re not expected to be a potty training expert. Every child is different and potty training is not a one-size-fits-all type of thing.
In this blog, I’ll cover:
Is potty training not working or should you stay the course
Reasons potty training may not be going as planned
What to do if potty training is not working out
When you should consider potty training unsuccessful
Some parents get started with potty training and feel like their little one is just not getting it. For starters, I always like to reassure parents that their little one is not going to learn this big new skill of going potty somewhere other than their diaper with the snap of a finger. Like most new skills, it takes some time to learn. So, before ruling potty training an epic fail, know that you may just be encountering some growing pains. Typically the first few days of potty training include some potty wins, but also some steps back before your little one really nails down their new potty skills.
Red flags when getting started with potty training
There are some red flags to keep an eye out for during the initial stages of potty training that might indicate potty training needs to be re-evaluated early on:
Child is avoiding the bathroom or potty/toilet by any means possible
Child is withholding pee and/or poop altogether, not even going in a diaper
Child is having a lot of behavior challenges related to potty training that are not typical for that child, such as intense tantrums
Keep in mind: Some bathroom/potty avoidance and protests are common during the initial stages of potty training and may not be anything to be concerned about.
Potty training roadblocks
If you’ve been giving the potty training thing a go for a week or two and you’re still encountering some of the struggles listed below, that might also be a good indication to re-evaluate your potty training plans:
Any of the red flags listed above are occurring
Child is having lots of accidents and very few successful pees and/or poops in the potty
Child is not making progress with potty training
Child is asking for a diaper to pee and/or poop
Child is requiring A LOT of reminders and parent intervention to pee and/or poop in the potty (like, A LOT of parent help with no indication that the child is making progress towards more independent potty skills)
Keep in mind: Accidents are bound to happen during the potty training process, but if accidents are increasing and successful pees/poops are not increasing (or they’re decreasing), that may be a sign to re-evaluate.
Reasons potty training may not be going as planned:
You may be asking yourself why your little one is not taking to potty training. Let’s touch on some reasons potty training may not be going as planned or hoped.
I’m hesitant to say this one and I’ll explain why. It’s possible that potty training “isn’t working” because you started too soon. Here’s why I’m hesitant. I feel pretty confident in saying that if YOU are ready to potty train your child, you have *realistic goals* for potty training, and your child is at least around 18 months or older, you can be successful with potty training *as long as* you use an approach that’s a good fit. However, there can be times where a little one is not ready yet. Maybe they just aren’t showing any readiness signs, and in that case, by all means what until everyone is ready!
On the note of an approach that is a good fit - potty training may not be going smoothly if you’re using an approach that is not appropriate for your little one based on their current skill level. It’s also important to consider what approach is going to be feasible for you to implement and follow through with.
Some event, situation, or other factor is influencing potty success. This can be something like a big life change or something specifically potty related, like a potty accident that was scary, surprising, or super aversive. Potty training could also be affected by things like behavior challenges, medical diagnoses, trauma history, etc.
Potty training may be a challenge because the approach is not being implemented consistently. This can be due to inconsistencies across caregivers, such as daycare approaching potty training differently than at home. There may not be anything “wrong” with either approach but the child may be having a hard time since they are being exposed to two different approaches. Sometimes this works out fine, but other children may be more sensitive to the differences.
What to do if potty training isn’t working out
You gave potty training an honest try and it didn’t work out. Now what? If you’ve assessed if potty training in fact has really not been successful after an honest effort and you’ve considered why potty training isn’t going well, the next thing to do is figure out where to go from here. Check out this list of some tips for how to proceed when potty training didn’t work out.
Revisit potty readiness signs. You want to make sure you are considering your child’s current skills level, their interests, and your commitment to the potty training process, too. Having a good grasp of you and your child’s potty readiness will help you with continuing on your potty training journey.
Re-evaluate the potty training approach that was used. Some questions you can ponder when thinking of a better-fit potty training method: Was it too difficult for you (and other caregivers) to implement? Were there certain components that were hard for your child to catch on to? Was it too gradual or too quick? Did you decide to use a reward or avoid it? If you used a reward, was it an effective reward? Was there something about the approach that was aversive or scary? Did your child need more opportunities for independence or more help?
Consider taking a break from potty training before trying again. This can be helpful for your little one to get back to peeing and pooping comfortably and consistently. It can be a good “reset” before diving back in using a better-fit potty training approach. Also consider overall better timing for getting started to try again.
Overall, if you decide to continue potty training with some tweaks to your approach or you decide to start again with a new method, it is always important to keep the potty training process encouraging! The bathroom should be a fun, inviting atmosphere. The topic of using the potty should be exciting and low pressure!
Although potty training can feel like an impossible task to accomplish, I want you to know that your child will learn to use the potty! And, I want you to feel confident that you have the tools to help your child get there. If you’re still feeling a bit lost about potty training, book a free consultation call with me and we can chat about how I can help you reach your potty training goals!
