Why does a baby fight sleep?
As Chrissy Teigen says, “why is it so hard to put someone who is sleepy to sleep?”
It’s so frustrating and often triggering when your baby is fighting sleep! You want a break, they’re cranky and tired and you just KNOW they need to go down for a nap or bedtime.
But, they.just.won’t.
The narrative in your head is probably something like:
“WHY WON”T YOU SLEEP?!”“JUST GO TO SLEEP ALREADY!”
“I JUST WANT A BREAK!”
(just me?)
If we can get down to the “why” a baby fights sleep, you may be able to approach those instances with a little more patience and grace (or learn how to avoid it which would be better for my mental health, I know that’s for sure 😂).
Let’s cover:
what does it mean when a baby is fighting sleep
why is my newborn baby fighting sleep
is it normal for baby to fight sleep
why does baby fight sleep with mom
why do babies fight sleep during the day
how to stop baby fighting sleep
what does it mean when a baby is fighting sleep
There are a few different things it could mean when your baby is fighting sleep.
Your baby could possibly be:
Overtired
Undertired
Overstimulated
Experiencing separation anxiety
Hungry
Not feeling well
Overtired/Undertired
What does it mean if your baby is over or undertired and why does that matter? Babies build up sleep pressure and each child will build that up in a different amount of time; meaning some babies will be tired sooner than others.
If your child is OVER tired, then the sleep window has been missed and they’ll catch a second wind due to cortisol- that hormone is the opposite of sleepy and relaxing so now they are cranky and have extra energy/adrenaline to fight sleep.
If your baby is UNDER tired, the they haven’t built up enough sleep pressure to fall asleep easily and you’re left with a baby who is totally uninterested in sleeping.
Overstimulated
Some kids are sensitive to being overstimulated or not having enough wind down time to fall asleep easily. If you’ve had a really busy day or try to transition quickly from one task to another, those who are sensitive to being overstimulated or just sensitive to stimulation in general will have a harder time falling asleep.
Separation Anxiety
Separation anxiety is a normal phase for babies to go through and when they’re in that phase, you may find they need more support for falling asleep or need some tweaks to their routine in order to get through that common phase. Check out this blog about separation anxiety for more tips!
Hunger
I have a saying… at least, I think I made it up - but I always say, “hungry babies don’t sleep well and sleepy babies don’t eat well.”
It’s a double edged sword, but if you find that your baby is always fighting sleep and their feedings have stretched with longer wake times, try adding in a top up feeding before nap routine and see if that provides some fight sleep relief.
Not Feeling Well
I don’t know about you, but when I’m under the weather, even though I’m tired and WANT to sleep, it can be extremely hard for me to actually fall asleep because I’m so uncomfortable.
This blog goes into more details about sickness and sleep (and know that it’s okay to provide extra support during that time)!
why is my newborn baby fighting sleep
Newborn sleep is the wild west of sleep. Since newborns don’t have an established/developed circadian rhythm, they typically have a harder time falling asleep, especially at bedtime. We usually see this improve around 8-11 weeks.
If you have a newborn that falls asleep easily yet fights bedtime like it’s their job, it’s likely just related to day/night confusion. You can read more about that in this blog, but I’d recommend limiting day time sleep in order to build and maintain some sleep pressure for overnights!
is it normal for baby to fight sleep
You’re not alone if your child fights sleep– even if it isn’t shown on social media, it’s extremely common.
Let me tell you about my slow to warm child, Lukah (unsure of your baby’s temperament? Check this blog).
Lukah doesn’t transition from one task to another easily. He needs lots of prep but even then, it’s no guarantee that it’ll be a smooth transition. He’s had the same routine before naps and bedtime for his 3 years of life, and yet it’s always met with resistance.
We’ve tried ALL the things and it really comes down to his total displeasure at 1) being told to do something that isn’t his idea and 2) he just needs that adjustment period to be able to fall asleep.
I’ve released myself from feeling like I had to change it or make it better because that’s exhausting and have been practicing the division of responsibility more. In those cases, yes that means he is often throwing a tantrum when I leave.
Now that he’s in a regular bed and not his crib, he doesn’t want to lay down while I tuck him in and sing his songs. That’s our one condition, otherwise I leave the room (because it’ll just drag on and no nap will happen).
I used to go in when he decided he was ready for songs, but what that was doing was exacerbating the cycle of him refusing to lay down me leaving, him screaming he was ready for songs after throwing himself around, me going in and singing, then him crying when I left.. Etc. cycle after cycle.
I finally told him that I was going to leave and I wouldn’t be back until his light said it was time for nap time to be over. The first day, he was very angry and stayed that way for about 30 minutes. The second day? 5 mins and done.
The third day? No issue whatsoever and actually stayed in bed for me to sing.
KIDS CATCH ON QUICK!!! Once we are ready to establish the boundary.
why does baby fight sleep with mom
Being the preferred or default parent can feel exhausting- and it can feel like they reserve all their “bad” emotions for that person. And they do actually! But that doesn’t make it any easier to handle.
Taking turns with a partner can give you a break and may help baby adjust to the routine to fight sleep less overall. This blog about preferred parents gives some strategies to help!
why do babies fight sleep during the day
There’s less drive to sleep during the day, meaning their sleep pressure isn’t as high as it is during the night because sleep hormones are more present at bedtime than they will be throughout the day. Naps are controlled by a different mechanism (the build up of adenosine vs release of melatonin) making naps a little hard to come by.
how to stop baby fighting sleep
Here are our top tips for ending the battle to get your child to sleep!
(I also want to include that sometimes they’re fighting your help to sleep, meaning they’d be more successful without your intervention– people don’t believe me when I say it but they believe me when they do it!)
Learn your baby’s sleep cues. Watch closely for signs that your baby is tired and put them to bed within minutes of signs like eye rubbing, yawning, avoiding eye contact, fussing, or losing interest in play. Keep in mind that some waking periods may be as short as 30 to 45 minutes for newborns.
Establish and keep a soothing bedtime ritual. Taking a bath, reading books, cuddling in a favorite chair — these are all ways to help ease a child to sleep. Be consistent and do the same things in the same order around the same time each night.
Eliminate screens at least an hour before bed.
Create a nap and sleep schedule based on your baby and your lifestyle. Consider their overall sleep needs and ensure that they’re given the chance to get plenty of day and night sleep.
Ensure your baby is getting enough feeds within a 24-hour period. Newborns will typically feed on demand every 2 to 3 hours. As your baby grows, the time between feedings will increase.
Make sure baby’s space is conducive to sleep. Use blackout curtains, white noise, or other elements to encourage a restful environment.
Try to respond to your baby’s sleep challenges with patience and calm. They feed off of your emotions, so staying relaxed can help them to calm down as well.
How to Break an Overtired Cycle
My number 1 tip is to not feel guilty for helping your child fall asleep or get more sleep when they’re overtired. If they’re taking short naps, contact nap for longer ones. If they need an earlier bedtime after some overtiredness has built up, put them to bed 15-30 mins earlier for a night or two.
Getting them out of a sleep debt is more important than “habits” because sleep will come easier when they’re better rested anyway!
At the end of the day, practicing the division of responsibility may bring you the most peace– meaning, we give our children the opportunity to sleep and it’s their responsibility to take it.
Forcing sleep isn’t always possible, so if they’re really fighting sleep, feel free to move on with the day and try again later. Also, it’s totally fine to put them down and step outside for some fresh air and deep breaths for a few minutes if you’re feeling especially triggered!
Need more help because you’re tired of the sleep battles? Check out 1:1 support here!
